Monthly Archives: May 2013

The enemy within

Ahoy mateys!

OK…sorry…that was uncalled for.

Readers of this blog, I greet you! It’s Tuesday and by golly the blog is called Random Tuesdays so I ought to blog, no?

So let me jump right in with a Brian update. Things are progressing nicely though I haven’t seen him in a week and a half and I’m not sure if I’ll see him this week at all. I’m not happy about this but I haven’t made a big (or small) deal about it. He has house guests and they are taking priority with his time. This past weekend is when they came to town and I did not hear from him at all after he picked them up from the airport on Saturday evening.

By Monday morning I will admit dear readers, that I was feeling a bit anxious. You see, I have this voice in my head that has no good intentions. Her job is to fuck with my self-esteem, confidence and security. That bitch is a straight up hater. She’s the one who will try to convince me that I’m not where I should be in my career, that I’m not where I should be in life, and that everyone is doing so much better than I am. As I’ve matured, I’ve become more aware of this voice but it’s only recently that I have been able to beat her back with a stick.

On Monday morning, it was like Battle Royale in my head. She, having had rest and something to feed on (Brian not calling me all weekend) was in full, GO mode. It was during the process of shutting her up that I realized that my worst enemy dwells comfortably in my head. But this time, I was prepared for the battle. Everything she threw at me, I swatted away with calm common sense. Don’t fret. Brian likes you, he’s not a flake, he’s not Scott, he will call. And of course he did! In the late morning. And moreover, offered an explanation for why I didn’t hear him over the weekend, without one being requested. Win column populated!

Ultimately, I decided to fall back this week and let Brian drive the communication train while his people are here. He called bright and early this morning and I was my usual chipper and happy self. The chipper, happy me that Brian knows because there has been no reason to show him the non-chipper, non-happy me. He laughs out loud when I answer the phone and greet him with one of my over the top greetings. He enjoys it. He enjoys talking to the happy, stress-free version of me. And I am so thrilled to be in a dating environment that calls for the the happy, stress-free version of me.

At  the end of our call he confirmed that he just needed to get through the week, get three house guests out of his house this weekend, and we will resume normal programming. I can’t wait!

So there you have it, my random Tuesday ramblings signed, sealed and delivered. Til next time…

Cheers!

 

 

Holy shit…It’s been a year since I’ve posted here!

It’s awesome to be back writing again! For me, writing is something so extremely personal…too personal as a matter of fact. I have been published in major magazines and newspapers, I write business materials for friends and clients all the time and yet, I have not done what I should to take my writing to the next level. Basically, I’m a punk. But enough about my failings as a human being…

I’m back to blogging here because there’s stuff I want to talk about. Things I want to share with the internets.

Let me start by going back one year. I moved from DC to Brooklyn last summer and had the absolute time of my life! It was three months of every single thing that I wanted and needed. Concerts in the park, new friends, old friends, favorite bar, walking in Prospect Park every evening, not running into my old boyfriend, a shot at love, partying, discovery, energy, life, happiness, you name it…I got it from Brooklyn last summer. I am so proud of myself for recognizing what I wanted, going after it and most importantly, making it happen!

I’m back in DC now and not feeling too shabby about it. I had planned on moving back again this summer but Brian happened. Brian. I love his name. Almost as much as I loved Scott’s name. Maaannn. Scott. My shot at love last summer. That muthafucka was the One and no one could tell me different. ‘Cept Scott of course. He told me different. “I ain’t the one”, that nigga said, “I ain’t the one.” So I accepted and moved on. No cars were keyed in the process. He just wasn’t the one. Exit stage left. Enter Brian.

I don’t know yet what will come of Brian, I just know that things are going well and the voice in my head is constantly screaming at me not to fuck this up. Cause that’s my thing…I fuck up relationships. At least that’s what I’ve been lead to believe. Can’t be all them, right? S’gotta be me.

Anyway, Brian is one of the reasons I’m back here writing, because I want to chronicle the success or failure of this relationship. I hope for success. It’d be a change of pace at the very least. Relationships are not my forte but I hope for success with Brian and I will do all that I know how to make it so.

So far there have been some very enjoyable dates. Dinners, lunch, a get together of friends at his house, live music at a bar, and this weekend an all-day reggae festival. I’m happy with the way things are going so I’ve decided not to move to Brooklyn and put unnecessary strain on something so new and potentially long-lasting.

I’ll be here throughout the summer updating absolutely no one about the progress of this budding interaction between two single, like-minded people. If I were not such a chump, I’d actually post this someplace where people could actually read it but alas, me’s a punk.

Till next time…

Cheers!