The enemy within
OK…sorry…that was uncalled for.
Readers of this blog, I greet you! It’s Tuesday and by golly the blog is called Random Tuesdays so I ought to blog, no?
So let me jump right in with a Brian update. Things are progressing nicely though I haven’t seen him in a week and a half and I’m not sure if I’ll see him this week at all. I’m not happy about this but I haven’t made a big (or small) deal about it. He has house guests and they are taking priority with his time. This past weekend is when they came to town and I did not hear from him at all after he picked them up from the airport on Saturday evening.
By Monday morning I will admit dear readers, that I was feeling a bit anxious. You see, I have this voice in my head that has no good intentions. Her job is to fuck with my self-esteem, confidence and security. That bitch is a straight up hater. She’s the one who will try to convince me that I’m not where I should be in my career, that I’m not where I should be in life, and that everyone is doing so much better than I am. As I’ve matured, I’ve become more aware of this voice but it’s only recently that I have been able to beat her back with a stick.
On Monday morning, it was like Battle Royale in my head. She, having had rest and something to feed on (Brian not calling me all weekend) was in full, GO mode. It was during the process of shutting her up that I realized that my worst enemy dwells comfortably in my head. But this time, I was prepared for the battle. Everything she threw at me, I swatted away with calm common sense. Don’t fret. Brian likes you, he’s not a flake, he’s not Scott, he will call. And of course he did! In the late morning. And moreover, offered an explanation for why I didn’t hear him over the weekend, without one being requested. Win column populated!
Ultimately, I decided to fall back this week and let Brian drive the communication train while his people are here. He called bright and early this morning and I was my usual chipper and happy self. The chipper, happy me that Brian knows because there has been no reason to show him the non-chipper, non-happy me. He laughs out loud when I answer the phone and greet him with one of my over the top greetings. He enjoys it. He enjoys talking to the happy, stress-free version of me. And I am so thrilled to be in a dating environment that calls for the the happy, stress-free version of me.
At the end of our call he confirmed that he just needed to get through the week, get three house guests out of his house this weekend, and we will resume normal programming. I can’t wait!
So there you have it, my random Tuesday ramblings signed, sealed and delivered. Til next time…
Posted on May 21, 2013, in Change and Growth, Random Tuesday Musings and tagged battle royale, Brian, growth, house guests, Own worst enemy, self esteem confidence, voice in my head. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.