Category Archives: Summer of 2013

Tears Always Win…

Before now, I’d actually never heard the song by Alicia Keys but here I am crying my eyes inside out and Alicia comes belting out of my TV what I already know…these tears always win.

I checked my LinkedIn profile today and was informed that Sociopath Ex viewed it 3 weeks ago. I chuckled. He’s keeping tabs. We all do it, so it wasn’t a surprise. It crosses my mind sometimes…Do I ever cross the sociopath’s mind? I know I do. We’ve known each other for almost 2 decades so yes, I cross his mind. I don’t cross his mind to the point of him contacting me, and that’s a good thing. The old me wanted to hear from him. But all that self-reflecting, growing, maturing bullshit that I put myself through over the last year actually brought me to the point where I recognize that I need not to hear from him. I need not to ever see him or hear from him again. He can keep all the tabs he wants as long as he stays the hell out of my life.

Tears…here we are again. I was his placeholder.

Peter isn’t here. If he were, I’d be virtually crying on his shoulders. He’s off getting married. And that makes me cry even harder. He’s gonna come back all happy and married and shit and ask how things are going and I’m gonna say what exactly? Kasey is also gone. They’re actually in the same place. One went for his wedding, the other went for vacation. If Kase were here I wouldn’t be crying on his shoulders but I’d definitely call him and I know without doubt that I’d be feeling better when I got off the phone. They are both fierce protectors of me.

Jay called today to tell me that his marriage is falling apart. His exact words were, “This marriage experiment thing isn’t working out”. Actually, he didn’t call to tell me that. He called to tell me that since his marriage is failing, I have to find a new place to live because he is moving back into his condo. I need a bigger umbrella. This rain is turning into a steady downpour of fuck my life.

I’ve lived here happily for 6 years. I haven’t lived in any one place that long except for my childhood home. At 14 we moved from the house I grew up in and since then, I have not lived in any one place for more than 3/4 years.

Kassandra came through for me today when I needed to talk it out. She is a great source of logic and common sense and she keeps me calm. I need more of her in my life.

Why the fuck is this happening? Wasn’t I supposed to be using this space to talk about sex and all the glorious sex that I was doing? What the fuck happened? I woke up Friday feeling very sad and I had no idea why. And the stupid little voice in my head kept saying, this is a premonition of feelings to come. I tried to shake it off but I knew that some shit was gonna happen. I just wasn’t prepared for this.

Tears again. Fuck me.


La vidéo du mois

Face Down…

Hello Luvvies!

There’s so much to catch you up on!

As I always do, I re-read the last post I made before I began writing this one. And it seems so…long ago. Quite a lot has happened in my love life since I last blogged.

My last post was May 21st. It turns out that 3 days before that, unbeknownst to me, I’d met the guy that would change everything about my world. Oh, by the way, I’ve decided to stop writing about my relationship life and start writing about my sex life. I’m turning this puppy into a raunchy, blush-inducing, honest look into sex and the women that want it, have it and enjoy it. More on that later…

So, I went to a concert on May 18th and a relationship broke out. Brian and I were supposed to go together but he cancelled at the very last minute thereby forcing me to go solo. I went and managed to meet-up with a social group that I belong to. I am now dating someone from that social group who was at the concert. And he’s white! And awesome! I am part of an inter-racial relationship! My boyfriend is white! And he’s my BOYFRIEND! Lol.

Anyway, since I am completely convinced that talking/blogging about my relationships jinxes them, that’s about as much as I’m writing about that. Except to say that it has been a wonderful relationship thus far. I’ve done a ton of things that I’ve never done before, I am happy, grateful and head over heels in like.

Now, on to the juicy bits. Since I’ve started this new relationship, of course, I’ve been having that new relationship sex. That all the time, always wet, always erect, always ready to go sex. That, “oh shit, new dick!” sex. It’s GLORIOUS! And I’ve decided to write about it. Why? Well, why the fuck not? There are, at last count, a bazillion blogs out there with people writing about their relationships. I wanted to veer off course and talk about something that I’m better at than relationships. And that my friends, is sex. I’m great in bed. Uninhibited, try anything once, 3s not a crowd, bring on the porn, cameras welcome, drop some X, no holes barred, always wet, multiple orgasms, blow job enjoying, great in bed.

Last night we had anal sex for the first time. It wasn’t my first time or his of course, but it was our first time. Ah! Mah! Gah! Dude lubed me up and it was slow going at first but once he got it all the way in my butt he went to TOWN!!! Even as I write this, I’m getting short of breath.

We started off actually with him complaining that he was tired so I would have to get myself naked and get him hard, and THEN he’d see if he was up for sex. I was like, yeah right. Whatever. In any case, I took my t-shirt and panties off while he stood naked brushing his teeth. As soon as he got into bed my legs and arms were draped over him and his over me. We started talking and giggling as we are wont to do. We talked and giggled about me meeting his parents the day before, and some other shit that I can’t recall right now.

And then he challenged me to make him hard, not by a blow job but by talking him hard. I was like, fa real? You’re gonna make me TALK you hard?! “Yup”, he said. “Use your mouth that way and get me hard.” Challenge issued. Challenge accepted. To get me started, he asked what had been our most enjoyable sex so far in my opinion. And before I could answer, he answered for me. “Was it the first time I put my thumb in your butt?” Yup! That was awesome! We came so hard together. And my pussy was like Niagara Falls.

So this recap of our sex over the past 6 weeks went on for not long at all. It didn’t take my baby long to have a rock hard dick. Especially since he was lying on top of me as I recalled the different occasions and positions we’d explored. He jokingly said that I should keep a numbered log. I jokingly replied that I should start a blog. I had actually had the idea of blogging about my sex and sex in general about a week and a half ago and now here I was intertwined with him joking about it but taking it seriously.

Upon realizing that he was good and ready, I put his dick inside me. And we started and it was as usual, delicious. And I came. I always cum when he fucks me. And this is something that never happened with past partners. I usually only cum from clitoral stimulation and even then, not all the time. There’s something about my guy and our sex that brings me to orgasm, at least twice, each and every time. It’s amazing. I love it. And he loves it. He’s not much of a talker while he’s fucking me but the one thing that he manages to express verbally is that he loves my pussy. “Baby, I love fucking your pussy”, he says. They all say.

After I had my first orgasm, we changed positions slightly and continued the joyride. After a few minutes, when I thought he was close to climaxing he asked if I wanted him to fuck me in my ass, which of course meant “Turn around let me fuck you in your ass”.

We’d tried it the week before and only got his dick in part of the way. I was determined to be successful this time so he lubed me up and went at it. Slow at first, easing it in. The initial entry was fine, halfway in, it hurt, so we stopped for a second. Then after he put it back in, he slid ALL the way in. I gasped, and screamed and moaned all at the same time. He moaned loudly. I was on my knees and for some reason, I shit you not, I started to quietly sing “Face down butt up that’s the way we like to fuck” as he stroked like a pro. Then he said “Lie down flat on your stomach.” Oh heavenly Father. As I laid flat his dick went as far into my ass as it could go and then he for real started to fuck me. Fast. Hard. Hot. I was grabbing the sheets holding on for dear life and feeling, not thinking, just feeling. Panting, groaning, consuming and being consumed. I was flat on my stomach, he was flat on my back and stroking and stroking and hard and fast. “Fuck my ass baby, FUCK MY ASS baby PLEASE!!!” He’s making those heavy breathing, grunting, moaning noises that serve to make me wetter and cummier. Mmmmmm.

I knew he was nearing climax and I begged, “Cum in my ass baby, cum deep in my ass!” And he did. My being exploded with sheer ecstasy as he exploded deep inside my ass.

Turns out, he wasn’t that tired after all. 😉