Blog Archives

Get me ON this ship!

Last night I braved the frigid temps and went to a small dinner party. I’m happy I did. Not only because I need to sustain a certain level of social interaction, but because I got an idea for a life change that I want to explore.

One of my friends once worked as an entertainer on a cruise ship. And as we talked last night about dream jobs, hobbies, life, and careers, I discovered that there may be a way that I could turn my love of travel into a way of life. What if I did sales or marketing for a cruise ship that sails the Caribbean?

Think about it…I could: see my family weekly or monthly, get out from under this hum drum life that I have led and continue to lead in DC, travel extensively, lower my living expenses to almost nothing, rent my house, quit the non-profit fundraising game, and meet lots of new people from all over the world. Those are HUGE pros. And what some people would consider a con—having to live and work on a ship—I consider another pro.

I am interested in shaking up my life, in injecting some kind of excitement and joy, in feeling like I’m living instead of just surviving. I’m not saying, nor would I ever, that I have a bad life. I am doing relatively well. I own a home, I have a job that allows me a certain level of comfort, and my friends and family are healthy. This doesn’t mean though that there isn’t more, because there is, and I want to find it. I want to live it. Experience it. There HAS to be more. Right?

My friend has promised to reach out to contacts that she still has in the cruise industry and TJ (former and sometimes current lover) has offered to put me in contact with someone he knows who does recruiting for cruise ships.

Everything about this excites me. The possibility of living outside of the US at this particular time is incredible, as I desperately want the opportunity to get away from this racist shithole of a country.

So I promise myself to do this. To explore this possibility and do all that I can to make it happen. Because sometimes, shit actually turns out the way you want it to. Will this be one of those times?

I guess we’ll see. 🙂


Good feeling. Feeling good.

I kissed Greg goodbye yesterday. He’s gone. I’ll miss him.

But it’s only for 9 days and he’ll be back. He’s gone to Boston for work and PA for a family event. I will try my best not to let his absence consume me. I won’t text him constantly to tell him that I miss him or that I’m thinking of him. I will function as the human being I was before he strolled into my life a mere 7 weeks ago.

This week isn’t really going to be busy work wise, so I have to try to fill my time up. I need to keep mentally and physically busy. It’s only 9 days and they’ll fly by.  At the very least, they will go no slower than the previous 9 days or any other 9 days in the history of humanity. It would be nice if I had some big news to share when he returned. Like…I looked into my career move and was able to make THIS much progress.  Maybe that’s what I’ll spend my week doing. He loves to talk career with me. He fashions himself a great listener, thinker and adviser.  I always feel this need to impress him with work related things. Actually, I always feel the need to impress him, period. He can be a bit intimidating. I kinda like it though. It turns me on. He’s tall and strong and broad-shouldered and incredibly intelligent and I’m immensely attracted to all of that. I wonder sometimes if I’m loking for a father figure. That dominant authority. I like when men take charge. You want the reins? Be my guest. I’ve been in charge of everything for so long, I’m ready and willing to let someone smart, funny and good-natured take the controls. Independence schmindependence.

Last week, our schedules didn’t allow us to get together during the week. We saw each other last Sunday and then had to wait till Friday to see each other again. It was a looong week. By Friday, we were both horny and in desperate need of sex. On top of that, we knew that we would be going without for 9 days. We went out to watch the Michigan game and by the time we got back to his place it was in the door, in the bedroom, clothes off and fuck! Lol. No delays. We fucked like 2 people who knew there wouldn’t be sex again for days and days. He went longer than he usually does. He fucked harder than he usually and he was more bad ass than he usually is. Between rounds 1 and 2 we talked about sex, jerking off, fantasies and porn. Found out that skinny, white girls masturbating is what gets him off. So tame. I told him that gay porn does it for me. He basically wished me luck with that…you gone be watching that by yourself sista.

…He texted me! Yeay! I was wondering if/when I’d hear from him and if I’d have to be the one to reach out to him. But I didn’t have to. It’s the little things.

His birthday is coming up and today I reserved us a one-night stay at a BEAUTIFUL resort about an hour away. It’s not actually a resort. It’s one of those country side places with a pool, tennis courts, stables, walking trails, gardens, bike paths, etc. The photos are gorgeous. I want to celebrate his birthday but I don’t want to be too extravagant since by the time it rolls around we would only have been dating for two and a half months. I figure a two-day, one-night get-away all paid for, plus a picnic, maybe some tennis, maybe a long walk, all that good shit, will be just the perfect celebration. I may throw in a monogrammed shirt as a little extra. Maybe some cufflinks.

I met with a friend for lunch on Friday and she gave me an idea for my next career move. It has planted a seed, and even if I don’t go in the direction that she proposed, I have at least started to think about my next move and the time frame that I’m working with.

I feel like I’m in such a good place right now. I’m working, Greg is in my life, I’m going to see my family in a month and my finances are relatively stable. I’m not stressing about anything at the moment and it feels so damn good. There are of course, little niggling things that I have to work on but for the most part, I really feel good.

Here’s to that good feeling.